2017 Changes

I am not one for New Years Resolutions, they seem to fizzle after  the first few days or weeks. I am making major life changes though in 2017.

Tonight is the eve of my Gastric Sleeve surgery. This is not just a physical but emotional change for me. But why would I do this? When I have my Lap Band? Its not a straight forward answer. Five years ago when I had my band surgery I said I would get it removed with or without success in at least 5 years. I had ever intention of using it as the tool it was designed to be but had not desire to have a foreign object in my body for the rest of my life.

As many of you know I have had issues with scaring and pain on the side of the port. I had approval to remove it two years ago but my hysterectomy took priority. Unfortunately the medication I am on now have made losing weight a challenge. I have been seeing a trainer 3-4 times a week since last February and still not able to lose weight.

I have endured the emotional roller coaster of self-doubt and blame, even telling myself I was the failure some were expecting. I have watched in envy has other dropped weight with and without WLS. Yes, cheering them on in their accomplishments yet berating myself for the lack I have achieved. But in reality I have accomplished a lot in the last 5 year, losing nearly 90 pounds ( who cares if I gained 50 back due to meds). I eat better and enjoy going to the gym. Even though that scale is my enemy right now, I have achieved a great deal.

After being involved in an accident shortly before Thanksgiving, I am having issues with not only back pain but the pain in the area of the port from my band. That topped with an injured knee from last June, I need to something drastic to get the weight off while I still can. So really to the smug, negative people who find pleasure in seeing my failure, you don't matter. My health does.

Tomorrow at 4 AM my husband will drive me up to the hospital and I will have another life altering surgery. I am nervous and scared. But I am also excited about what the future me will accomplish. I am blessed to have an amazing support network of friends and family.  I will be documenting my journey a lot more diligently then I did with my Lap Band. After all maybe I could be the ray of hope or inspiration for someone else, as others have been for me.