Change is good

It's been a while since I posted anything on this blog or my other blogs....life has a habit of taking over and in what seems a short amount of time days, weeks or even months go by. A lot has happened in the past few months. I have changed work sites, I am more active during the day (no more desk job for me right now) and I guess the all around life out look has changed.

Well it seems to agree with me in some ways since I am finally starting to lose wieght again...plus I dont mind going to work......

I will not accept defeat this time

Monday I wore sandals to work, and I regret it. As I was walking along the sidewalk on the side of the building I didn’t notice the huge rock that the other office uses to prop open their door. The door was closed and rock was right in the middle of the sidewalk… like I stated I didn’t see it. Well I was on the cell phone and was in my normal “pace-while ranting” and kicked the rock full force. I kicked it hard enough to split and break off the nail on my big toe…. I grumbles and went on my way (of course moving the rock out of my path. Figured I was lucky I the only thing I did was break the nail on my toe…. Well now I am thinking I did more to my foot then I thought…..

I did my usual walk that night in fact I walked the loop twice (total of 7 miles). Tuesday I did my nightly walk again. But last night when doing my walk the pain finally caught up with me. I could barly walk the last 20 minutes of the walk. I had noticed earlier that day my foot looked bruised, that dark brown yellow type of bruise.

So as I limped home the last 20 minutes of my walk the following was my inner dialogue:

“Am I just destined to be fat the rest of my life? Why is it that every time I try and do something about my weight by exercise SOMETHING happens…. 6 y ears ago I had a pretty good routine going by swimming 2 hours every night…then I had to have that freak accident in the house and get over a 100 stitches in my leg…. So much for exercise… I couldn’t even walk on my leg let alone swim!
And here I am stupid enough to wear sandals to work (which I know better..but I just HAD to try and resemble a female human being). If I broke my toe or foot I am screwed! What about swimming? Oh I would love to swim! But the pool closes at 6pm there is no way I could get my girls to their practice and then go swim I would have less than 15 minutes of swim.. and there is no way I can get up in the morning to go swim.
Why have I not lost any weight this week? I was working out more, yet I am staying at the same weight…. That’s it I might as well just be happy with my size and not stress myself out… I am done….then again considering I have lost 9 pounds in the last 3 weeks I should be happy with that…but I’m not…gee how stupid is that….as if all this weight will just suddenly melt away in a matter of weeks…… lets be realistic.
If my husband makes another smart ass comment about how slow I am tonight I am going to pick up a rock and ping him in the back of the head…my girls are so much more fun to walk with… ok maybe its because I find their gossip entertaining…oh and yes THEY DON’T SAY CRAP ABOUT HOW SLOW I AM….. Ok maybe he is just trying to be supportive…after all he doesn’t know I tried to play soccer with a 6 pound rock.
My foot is killing me…. Maybe I should do palates or something….. I could always go to the gym during lunch and do the stationary bike……yeah I see the house… ok I am not walking tomorrow or Friday..maybe my body is telling me just to rest my foot…. Because it is not so bad on the downward slope….or even the flat stretch of sidewalk…. It would hurt no matter what……
YEAH HOME!!! Water! Shower!”

So it is clear my body says give it a rest for few days... plus maybe I need to find other things to do as well that wont be as painful on my body...

I won this inner battle this time... I refuse to accept defeat.......

Modeling......

I had fun earlier this Spring. Did another fashion show for Macy's. So glad that the major department stores are getting better selections on plus-size cloths. Granted still a bit pricey, but its better then a table cloths.

Speaking of plus-size cloths I am on the hunt for a gown for the CG Ball.. UGH I have to order online and that is not always good.....

Updates

Wow has it really been that long since I made a Blog entry?? Shame shame on me. Well what has happened.... I lost 10 pounds!!!! Then it found me again... dang stress..... Hey but I have somewhat of a tan now and actually resemble someone who my live in Hawaii.

Ok so I started an on-line calorie-counter/ journal... I figured the best way for me to stay accountable to myself is to actually log what I am eating and drinking... or not eating and drinking.... I think part of my problem is I don't drink enough water.
So it says for my target weight I have to lose 125 pounds... yep sounds right I don't need to be toothpick thin but I would like to be about 150 pounds so I guess it should be a target loss of 120.... at this point 80-100 would be great just need to get under the 200 mark while I still can.

slowly but slowly............

So.. I have lost 5 pounds... and I have done so much in not supporting weight loss. Funny I was so ready, I was sure this was going to be it... this time I would get rid of the excess... nope. I always seem to let life get in the way.

It's not the diet.... I eat OK... I don't eat too much of the bad stuff and plenty of the good... my problem is pretty simple. I just cant find the time to exercise.

When do I fit it in between work, the girls events and my personal school work.... I wish I could. I even thought of trying to fit it into my lunch time. That has yet to happen.... I know that as soon as I can get a good work out schedule set aside for myself I will have no problem shedding a lot of the extra weight.. and I am sure I will feel better and have less stress.....
Its a great idea...but actually being able to put it into action, literally, is what I find as my biggest obstacle.

I have given myself the false illusion that as soon as my classes ends in August I will have the time to set aside to try and get a schedule set aside.. sadly I doubt even then I will have the time since I am sure something else will come up... It usually does.

Its coming off!

Ok Ok I am all about the empowerment of plus size women. I don't think you need to be a toothpick to be pretty. I am pretty content with most things I have accomplished in life so far. But I am starting to think its time for the extra pounds to come off.

I am .....dare I type it..... oh well might as well commit to it..... I am 270 pounds. I am 5'8" so I should be around 145-165. So I am too far over my weight to be healthy right? Well not only am I the size of a horse, I am also as healthy as one.


I am just tired of the excess's weight. I want to be able to sit comfortable in a seat on the airplane... ok so I need to be 100 pounds to do that unless I am flying first class... so strike that one.... I want to be able to find cloths that fit. Granted I wear some fashionable cloths but they are pretty expensive. For me to wear cloths at my size at a bargain price, they look no better then table cloths.

I would be happy at 165 again.. I was size 12 so I don't need to be skinny, after all I can still aspire to be a plus size model if I was a 12 or 14. Today is the first step on my journey.

I figure if I am writing about it I am accountable to not only myself but my blog....and I don't want to let my blog done...... so off on my journey I go........ wish me luck and join me if you want...........

Thank You Tyra Banks

Thank you Trya, for putting your foot down and not letting the media continue with degrading the self image of women. As many of have seen in the last few days a “not-so-flattering” photo of Tyra Banks in a one piece swim suite stating the former runway model was fat with the big head lines of “America Next Top Waddle”.
Though I am sure there are parts of the public that finds some hidden pleasure of more then a few extra pounds on a woman who was/is part of an industry and has been accused of display false expectation of what the average woman should look like. I am not one of those people. I think if you are healthy and happy at 128 or 168 good for you. Now I said “healthy” AND “happy”. Not sure if many of us are both at the same time, but it does happen.
I will admit I pre-judged Ms. Banks. I wrote her off as just another high maintenance, overly self observed and absolutely gorgeous woman. OK so I got the gorgeous right. What changed my mind about her? Well its been a work in progress, the “swim suit” incident is just the icing.
One very rainy afternoon I had two very bored daughters trying to find something to watch on TV. Bravo had its “America Next Top Model” Marathon for the first season. I reluctantly allowed them to stay on the channel. Since all three of my daughters have expressed interests in the acting and modeling industry they really wanted to watch it. Now mind you my girls were already part of an Agency when they started to watch the show so they had a idea of what models really do.
I was concerned that my daughters would start getting negative self images and so forth. Watching size 2 young women walk up and down the catwalk and being told they needed to loose 10 pounds just was not appealing to me. I am glad the show was nothing as I had expected. Though I can only say I dislike one of the judges ( as do my girls). Janis Dickenson. I know I know she is a fashion icon. But even by looking at Janis’s show you can tell she is from the “twiggy” modeling days when showing your ribs bent you had a great body.
Tyra is not like that at all. It shows that she genuinely cares about the success of the young women she has on the show. She even is starting to show more curvaceous contestants, which is a relief to see, it’s a step in the write direction. Granted you can not change the fashion industry over night but there is an obvious push in another direction. More and more curvy women are being used as models again. These are real woman, showing realistic expectations of beauty.
I have also become a fan of the Tyra Banks show. Granted sometimes her enthusiasm reminds me of the popular cheerleader who decided to join the chess club. But I love it. She is so full of energy but she is genuine, the fact she is over enthusiastic just show how much of a spirited woman she is.
The fact she was brave enough to reveal her actually weight demonstrates her true strength. When I was 18 I weighed 158 lbs and was told I was over weight by “fashion standards” yet I look back at the body I had and I want it back! I looked good as a size 9/10. Right now I would be happy at a 13/14 because I do know that at a 22/24 it’s going to start effecting my health. It’s sad that it took me over a decade to realize that it was ok to be 158 lbs.
I fear for my daughters running in the trap of thinking the need to weight less to be pretty. My oldest is fourteen years old, nearly six feet tall and around 165lbs. My middle daughter is twelve years old and is already five foot eight and weighs 145 lbs. Yes they are gorgeous young women and thankfully with role models like Tyra Banks hopefully they wont be placing any false expectations upon themselves.

So again I say:

Thank You Tyra for being a real woman and the best type of model, a role model.