Ending of 2008

This is not how I had planned to end 2008. I figured I would have my wieght under control long before now. So much for that. Well at least I am on the right track now. Its going to take a while but the pounds will come off.

I saw a friend last week that had gastro bypass a few years ago. She looks great, 120+ pounds lost. She is one of the success stories. She took control of her life and changed it all. She said she has not had a soda since a few months before the surgery (think that was 2 or 3 years ago). I admire her for it and being able to go through the surgery and stick with changing her life. I know some people who lost weight from the surgery but gained it all back because they didnt change their habits that got them to the point of surgery.

I met with my Dr and for the first time I am in my life I might being going on weight loss meds. But that will be in 3 weeks, when I see him I have to give him a food journal talk about having accountability! So Ok I will do it. I also picked up some Alli at the pharmacy, so I have my menu planned for the next three weeks. Small steps, small steps.

I also picked up some liquid Valarian root and liquid Chamamile, yeah hoping those will help with the bitchyness I have been feeling for the last few weeks/months. Guess I am in gettting ready to get things done finally in 2009.

Why is this so hard?

It's not a diet I need to stay committed to, its actually being able to get to a gym to work out. There is no way I will be walking around our neighborhood. First of all it gets dark about and hour before I get home and then there is the fact that it is TOO COLD.

So we bought a treadmill, yeah I have used it once. Mainly because I just have not taken the time to get on it. How sad it that. I can't take out a half hour to get on the dang thing. Oh but I will. I have to. I can't live like this anymore.

I want to be under 200 pounds by this summer. I can do that, I know I can. But I don' think I can do it alone. I know I can't. Sure I am suppose to be strong enough to do it for me. But when it comes right down to I think if I am held accountable I will loose the weight. That is one of the reasons I believe Weight Watchers works. You know that every week you will be going in and stepping on a scale. You have the support of those that are attending the meeting.

Weight Watchers is not for me. I think its a great idea but I just don't have the time to find the meetings and frankly the last few groups I have attended the leaders and members talk about their obsessions with food. Sorry I don't have it. I like healthy food (granted I do have a sweet tooth). I know what I need to stay away from and my husband is willing to help out with cooking healthy foods. My issue is, the pounds are not going to come off with just watching what I eat (or don't eat). I have to work out.

So here I am saying to my dear friends. I need your help. If I go more then a few weeks without making a post or changing my weight counter, please ask me the status. I know you are all busy, just like I am. But if I know others are expecting me to succeed I am more likely to follow through.

So today I am saying my weight it 265 (since it goes between 268 and 260 on any given day).
I am a size 24. By this summer I want to be under 200 pounds and at least in a size 14. Maybe by next Christmas I will be at least 145...no clue what size I will be at that weight.

I need to do this for my health and my family. They wont say it but I can see it in their faces when their friends meet me for the first time, they are ashamed of my size. Even the uncomfortable looks they get in public when people look disapproving at my size and glance at my girls. The judgment that they will be just has heavy as I am some day.

I need the energy to do the things they want to do. There are more health issues effecting me because of my size. Luckily there is no high blood pressure or diabetes yet. But why chance it anymore.

No more falling back into old habits, things have to change. The change is not going to start tomorrow or next week when things calm down.

The change is going to start now.

And we start all over again

OK so I have almost become a statistic of one of THOSE people who just can't seem to stick to a diet...OK so diet is not my real issue...its priority in a hectic life! Things are looking up. My new office location I have access to a gym.... and the guild of walking past it every day with out using it is quiet overwhelming.

Even though I want to start ASAP it will have to be on hold for a few more weeks...ok at least using they gym part. I have a great little neighborhood we just moved into so I might as well walk a bit at night...then at the end of the month when I am back at my office I can focus on a "real" work out routine.

I know I know its not a race its a journey....or something like that. I just know I need to get myself in shape so I can truly enjoy my life more.